Fantasy Tips Week 3: Let’s See If This Works

First off, for anyone following my war with TV-11’s Donna Hamilton, here’s the update.

Donna loves her Auburn Tigers (until they inevitably lose two games and she suddenly becomes an Alabama bandwagon fan) and I went to South Carolina. On Wednesday, I had fun by covering Mrs. Hamilton’s Habitat with red & black tissue paper and a red & black balloon. It’s the Southern way. I’m very generous and welcoming.

Mrs. Hamilton decided to get her revenge on Friday afternoon. She had someone break into my computer (which I’m pretty sure is a felony) and change my backdrop to an image of the Auburn Tigers. I hope to avoid a trial and look forward to a settlement next week. Please make the check payable to “Cash” or “Dash.”

I predict a 17-10 South Carolina win and I pray to everyone possible that they win this game. Let’s just say it won’t be pretty if USC loses.

Speaking of losing, I hope everyone enjoyed my week two selections. Let’s turn it around in week 3:

Start Baltimore’s Defense. Obvious? You bet! Unless Joshua Cribbs scores four times, no one else can score for Cleveland. It’s not possible. Seneca Wallace starts for Cleveland. He couldn’t start for anyone in the top ten in college football. Seriously. Baltimore’s D should have a plethora of sacks, interceptions and all kinds of defensive goodness against the hopeless Browns on Sunday.

Start Tony Romo. He has the same amount of interceptions on the season as touchdowns. So what? Stats don’t carry-over unless your league is weird. Houston’s a solid team, but they love to give up the points and right now Dallas needs those things. Expect Romo to pass for over 300 yards with at least two touchdowns.

Sit Chris Johnson. Another tough defense on the road for supposedly the top pick in everyone’s fantasy draft. Check out these numbers from weak (er, week) two:  16 carries, 34 yards. That’s an average of 2.1 yards per rush. Stats may lie, but not there. I expect Johnson to have another less than stellar performance just miles away from Broadway against the Jets.

Start Brett Favre. OK, he’s old. I get it. Chilly and him have worked everything out. Don’t let a few bad games get in the way of a game in which Favre pads his stats. Plus Detroit’s defense plays as well as I do on the golf course. We’re both extremely slow and usually quit before the end.

There’s your week three tips. I’ll return for week five since I will be temporarily detained to attend the wedding of my sister.

Don’t miss me too much.

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2 Responses

  1. I’m pretty sure changing the background isn’t a felony. But I’d be plenty pissed too if I had to listen to that music and stare at that desktop image all day.

  2. Donna must have been nicer to IT than you in order for them to do that for her. Remember, ALWAYS keep the folks in IT happy and it’ll pay off every time.

    Well, South Carolina’s colors are red and black, same as my high school in Texas. They lost on Friday night, so not good. Plus, which scares me more, a fighting rooster or a tiger? Yeah, have to pick Auburn in this one.

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